


maybe I miss you

by meggiewrites



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: German National Team, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Paris Saint-Germain F.C., Phone Calls & Telephones, and all the issues and insecurities that come with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 16:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13057548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggiewrites/pseuds/meggiewrites
Summary: Even after officially being together for several months already, the distance between Julian and Matze places a strain on their relationship; but Matze can't help but hope that they'll manage to pull through in the end.





	maybe I miss you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [temsah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/temsah/gifts).



> A little pre-Christmas gift for [temsah](http://archiveofourown.org/users/temsah/)! ♡♡ (Since I know I won't have time to post it during actual Christmas – though I don't actually have the time now, either, technically – or probably just forget about it) Merry Christmas friend, can't wait to see you again!
> 
> Finished this one about a week ago – unbeta'd, edited probably too many times ... I hope it's an enjoyable read still!

Nights after lost away games can get lonely quite easily, Matze knows.

Unlike when they bring home a win, with no one usually up for partying or even a little get-together. Some time ago, he would have just gone to bed early after scrolling through his phone for a while, catching up on some sleep. Now the phone feels heavy in his hand.

He hesitates before opening his contacts, his finger hovering over Julian’s name for quite some time before he finally taps on it with a sigh. The screen is bright in the darkness of the hotel room.They had scheduled the call a few days ago, and Matze knows he’d regret it if he wouldn’t call him, even if he fears that he would put a damper on Julian’s inevitable good mood. (After all, he hadn’t only started but also scored a goal today.)

Before Julian, Matze hadn’t realized how much work a relationship could be. I hasn’t been easy, didn’t just happen from one day to another. Julian’s transfer was a bit of a shock, to Matze just as much as to everyone else. They didn’t talk nearly as much, back then, their connection still fresh and confusing, their relationship new and tentative. They talk more these days, albeit in Matze’s eyes, not nearly enough. He probably imagines it but he thinks Julian’s voice sounds different over the phone now, as if his new home had struck another chord within him.

He clings onto the hope that it’s the only thing about him that has changed, grips the phone tighter as it rings.

Julian’s voice is cheerful when he finally picks up, and at first Matze fears that he hasn’t realized that it is him calling. But the light-hearted “Hi babe!” that he greets him with scatters those worries immediately.

“Hey,” Matze says, biting his lip, unable to stop a smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth. For a moment, neither of them talk, so Matze clears his throat before the situation becomes awkward. “How have you been?”

And as if he’d turned a switch, the words erupt out of Julian’s mouth like a waterfall. He sounds happy and Matze smiles when he rambles about pretty much everything – from the training over his teammates and how one of them has a crush on their French teacher – content already with only listening to his boyfriend’s voice.

He still hasn’t gotten used to the term, doesn’t even know when exactly the older one became so important to him, though he remembers how those feelings even first surfaced during the summer of 2016 when they’d ran into each other kinda on accident, leading to spending some time together during the break. He remembers being scared of them in the beginning, almost angry when Julian dared to talk about the thing that had developed between them. (Nothing physical, back then, barely nothing at all. And yet.)

Now, not talking is what he is most afraid of. Matze usually isn’t one for many words, but whenever he picks up his phone now, as soon as Julian, who is easily the more talkative out of the two, has finished the retelling of his past few days, the words start to tumble out of his mouth – a bit clumsy, maybe, but by the way it makes Julian chuckle fondly, he knows that it’s enough.

At some point he gets interrupted by someone in the background, laughing loudly, another voice joining soon, whooping and cheering.

“Kevin,” Julian explains, and Matze’s heart tightens as he hears the smirk in his voice. “And some of the others. We’re playing cards; I don’t even know whose room we’re in. They asked me if you were my girlfriend from back home,” he teases.

It coaxes a chuckle from Matze, even if he still feels a bit uneasy, and Julian joins, and for a moment Matze feels as they are carefree as they sound. He doesn’t dare to ask what Julian’s answer had been; doesn’t want to know what the others replied, either.

“Anyway, I should probably hang up,” Julian continues, more quietly, “or they will start prodding. By the way, have you thought about …?”

Matze knows what he talks about. A few weeks ago, they’d had a little disagreement over if they should tell someone about them. Matze isn’t all too fond idea of opening up to anyone about something he himself still isn’t fully comfortable with, doesn’t know if he will ever be, but Julian claims he’d feel more happy if he could talk about their relationship with someone from the team. Matze isn’t sure how he feels about that someone being Kevin. (“But at least we both know him!” Julian had exclaimed, causing Matze to roll his eyes.)

He sighs. “No. Juli, I …. Give me just a bit more time to think about it, alright?” he says, pushing back any thoughts that it might help himself as well, having someone to talk to.

Julian sighs, clearly frustrated. He mutters something that Matze can’t understand, but then pulls himself together in the end. “Well alright then – we’ll talk soon, okay? Take care of yourself, yeah?”

Matze nods and feels silly when he realizes that Julian can’t see him, quickly humming in agreement.

The heavy weight of the distance plummets down on him as soon as they hang up. His room is big and filled with silence, and he lets himself fall down onto the standardized hotel bed.

Back then, when they realized that things between them were more serious than either of them initially assumed, he already knew that he signed up for a long-distance relationship. But it’s a three hour drive from Dortmund to Wolfsburg and twice as long to go to Paris and they can’t be sure when and if they will get called up to the same national team again, and their rare holidays almost never match up. (He has hopes though, hopes for the next spring, for the summer.)

But he loves hearing from Julian, loves how he’s doing so well for himself, loves _him_ and can’t find it in himself to regret any of it. His hearts still beats faster than it normally does, and even if something in his stomach tosses and turns, the smile is still painted on his face. Still, he can’t help feeling left behind, stuck in injury, stuck in the traffic when Julian is on the fast lane. And he’s not sure how long he’ll be able to handle it.

 

**Author's Note:**

>   * Based on this [headcanon](http://manuelmueller.tumblr.com/post/160374102965/30-draxlinter) for the prompt: 'Could they manage a long distance relationship?'
>   * Set the same verse as [In The Headlights](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12274554) and maybe also [everything that makes you wonder](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12367851)
>   * Title from the Louis Tomlinson song _Miss You_
>   * I write FICTION about real people. None of this is intended to harm them or their reputation in any way
> 

> 
> Please leave kudos and maybe a comment if you liked it! | [tumblr](http://manuelmueller.tumblr.com/)


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